Monday, June 30, 2014

sleep deprivation (sic)

Who knew having 2 kids will be so hard on my sleep? Who knew I'd become such a bitchy person? I didn't know that... or wait.. did I?

I'm bitter. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm depressed. Wait. I'm TIRED! I go to sleep tired and I wake up tired so when people ask me 'how are you doing?' I simply tell them I'm depressed b/c I can't sleep. The truth is I'm beyond exhausted. I'm looking forward to my sleep time and when that time comes, one little person is up or the old person needs my help. LOL

I know I'll see better nights... but at the moment, all I want is an endless night :) 

Friday, June 20, 2014

Welcome Leah!

Finally I was able to upload Leah's birth announcement card.
It's the only photo you'll see of her face, though, as you know my no-face-photo-policy
concerning my kids.

She's a lovely baby and we're all getting used to her. Mika's been doing great with her and once I download my photos from the iPhone I'll share with y'all how he's doing with her.

Happy Weekend and happy SUMMER!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


12 weeks
Sept 2009

Someone came to meet baby L and at one point she said:

'i'm so happy for you guys b/c now you have a son and a daughter and that's something you really wanted... a girl... after you lost your girl a couple of years ago.'

Baby L is not replacing Ponyo and what this woman said is SO wrong in so many levels.
It sucks big time how people talk w/o thinking about what they're saying or how their comments can hurt someone else.

Ponyo is not some random child I didn't know. She was my daughter. My baby. She was inside me. I felt her move. I saw her face. I delivered her. It wasn't just something. We don't talk about her and there's few moments when we mentioned her, so I was extremely surprised at this comment.

I love Leah. We were SO happy when we found out Leah was a girl - not because of Ponyo. Noboy is replacing Ponyo. Noone can replace Ponyo or the love we felt for her. Leah is not a rainbow baby, nor is Mika. We tried to give closure to what happened 4 1/2 years ago before we became parents again, and I think time didn't heal our wounds, but are here with 2 new children we love and who need us to look to the future, and not get stuck in the past.

We loved Ponyo since the first time we saw the pregnancy test. We loved Ponyo when we heard the heart beat. We loved Ponyo when we knew she was a girl. We loved Ponyo when we said goodbye to her. Ponyo is not replaceable and she has a space in my heart, as well as Gary's.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

I'm done

38 weeks and getting too tight
too tired

39 weeks and trying to be funny
with my drawings
(they have been a hit on facebook)

May 2nd 2014
5 more days to go 
(in a lot of pain and exhausted!)

The tornado on April 25th hit our city
and damaged our car and our house

This is the photos before the trees went down...

Monday, April 21, 2014

This is when I tell you that people suck.

I barely complain about life in general... I tend to be pretty content about everything, people, friends, family, etc. etc. etc. If I'm upset about someone/something I write a letter to my good friend RL and I just vent there. I write to her with TONS of details about what bothers me and after I write I forget why I was upset and I keep on going with my life.

I tend to give people 2nd chances when they disappoint me the 1st time and that's usually a mistake. My mistake... for trusting they could change or for trusting people can be honest. Last week I bought a bumper for baby L's crib and the lady told me I should wash it b/c it had few 'stains'. Well... the stains ended up being MOLD all over the inside of the bumper. I should have known better and I should have checked the 'stains' before bringing the bumper home, but I just trusted this woman.

Today I realized you can give people a lot of chances, but that doesn't mean they would really care about it. I feel like I was stabbed in my back, once again, and it's such a horrible feeling.   I just want to have the strength to go and punch this idiot in the face! I won't, of course, but I wish I could!

Happy week everybody. Baby L is still in my belly and I'm getting tired - it's not even funny or cute or sweet or lovely anymore.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

4 more to go

baby L started moving more and more these past few days

i measured 39 weeks on tuesday

i have irregular contractions

i'm terrified coz Mika was born at 36 weeks
and i'm experiencing new things

the day is coming

i'm not ready - or am i?

a secret?
i can't wait to hug my husband w/o my belly
(y'all know what i mean)